Skating Away

I give you the internal conversation had between my normal self (Sally) and my derby self (GoGo Berserk) as though I had the old “angel on one shoulder, devil on the other”…yet in this case both are real and neither is any more “good” or “evil” than the other. 

GoGo:  “Can’t believe we are really doing this.  Look at all we’ve done and accomplished.”

Sally:  “We gotta face hard reality, GoGo.  We always knew this wouldn’t last forever.”

GoGo:  “True.  But we are going to miss the skating AND THE HITS and the joys of learning any new little thing about the sport of roller derby.  Did I mention the hits???”

Sally:  “Oh, no… the skates will NOT be hung up.  We’ve found a great place to enjoy skating with the kids.  Sure Skate Park likely won’t allow us to hip check anyone during open skate…even during power hour but we’ll now be dedicating a solid 3 hours each week that we can to doing something we love with the kids.  Not only that but when the weather is nice we can and should hit the bike paths.  I also need to spend more time with that husband of mine that had my back getting into derby.  I’ve found a hobby to share with him and we need more time together.

Think of all the time that retiring from the Quad City Rollers will free up.   And that article we read recently:  you know #8 on the list hit home like a wrecking ball through the front of the house.  Speaking of wrecking and house…don’t forget that more than 2 months after our home disaster it is still not finished in terms of repairs creating all sorts of challenges to just living normally at home. 

GoGo:  “I get it.  It’s like we always told our league about priorities: home life and career first, then derby.  …. But we were going to take a break!  Just a little break until things settled down at home and then we would go back and just skate and do the minimum required for business involvement.  Why can’t that be the way?

Sally:  “We’ve been pretty awful about sticking to those priorities so often preached.  Derby managed too many times to creep in front of the really important things.  Not only that but it became expected of us over being appreciated too many times.  Bad attitude was setting in and it wasn’t going to get any better.  We set a personal bar at a level that is impossible to maintain over the long haul thus the complete and utter burn out we are now experiencing.  If I know you and you know me, we would NEVER be able to be a minimalist participant so long as we were still a league member.  The league is being left in very capable hands and they will be just fine.  Besides it is more than just the house.  The house is a definite stress point but it will be repaired.  While we’ve been derbying it up, Mom has gone to the hospital countless times for her heart and the outlook is more bleak for her each visit.  She deserves time as well.  I’ve barely seen her UNLESS she was in the hospital and that is just plain shitty of me.  Wouldn’t be here without her so I need to spend more time with her and not take for granted that she’s just gonna keep making it through every time.  I love her and need to show her more.”

GoGo:  “Won’t argue about that.  Lots of love for Mom.

….Reffing!!! How about reffing???  Always wanted to have a chance to wear the stripes and be on the team that never loses… Go team zebra???”

Sally:  “A common mistake made by many is to assume that reffing is in some way easier or less of a commitment…that is a complete fallacy if you expect to be a ref worth anything.  This might be a great thing to get into somewhere way down the road but not any day soon.  If and when we do this it is going to be WHEN WE HAVE TIME.  That day is not now or even a month or two from now.  If we do reffing, let’s do it right.”

GoGo:  “What does this leave us with…in the derby sense?  Damnit! I’m GoGo Berserk…this is my name…you earned this name and your number 40.  You can’t shut me up forever.”

Sally:  “I won’t shut up GoGo Berserk.  We will go to bouts when it makes sense, be an NSO when area leagues need someone with experience to fill those spots and just be a super fan for a change.  We’ve been so busy with our own league we lost the ability to just enjoy the sport or to get out and see other leagues play.  So let’s paint our face and make signs or something and just have a blast enjoying something that we’ll always know we had a very real part in.  Hell yes, we are going to celebrate derby losing our voices making noise at every bout we attend!  I hear Team Heckle is recruiting!”

GoGo:  “I must concede.  You are right on all accounts.  Haahaa,…maybe you’ll have more time to actually blog more on this that you created to ramble on about derby you big goof!  I won’t let you delete the GoGo Berserk FB page.  She LIVEs you know!

It should go without saying that I skate away now holding no ill will towards the league…some of those girls I’ve skated with for 3 years.  The newer girls too have taught me that even the most minor thing we do for them might have had a really big impact.  This is not a goodbye to my league or to derby.  It’s a, “see you around.”  Big gushy derby love to you all!